Okay, so I’ve just disappeared from this blog for the past…uh, 4 months and a few days. And now I popped out of nowhere to say I’m still alive and well! I had very good reasons to disappear, though! I was busy ![]()
…
Well, that’s not a good reason, is it? I guess I simply didn’t feel like writing here, then, because I was too consumed with lots of decision making. Soon before and soon after graduating, I reflected intensely about my goals and what to do with my time and skills (we are in this life for only a short blink of a time before vanishing for good, after all). Since I’m a believer of the “walk as you talk” attitude, I’ve been trying to redirect my life according to my brand-new (but well thought-out, or so I hope) priorities.
The main change is that I don’t want to be a game developer anymore. Yeah, really. I know I’ve been preaching about my “I wanna be a rock star…ops, game programmer when I grow up” dream since forever, but come on. Who am I to lie to myself? The truth is, I fully respect those who make games. They are generally skillful, they are generally hopeful, and they go through A LOT. I’m not talking here only about my experiences at Tectoy or Overplay, which are both nice companies whose owners are bold enough to foment the Brazilian game industry even with all its gigantic obstacles. It’s just that I don’t want to sit all day on a (possibly uncomfortable) chair coding gameplay rules, and then talk about games with my work colleagues, and play games during lunch break. And get no paid overtime, and earn less than the average programmer guy or girl. And THEN, possibly get laid off after a project is done, because, you know, “the games industry is recession-proof” as the top executives of some companies (like EA, Gameloft, and so on) liked to say before laying off from hundreds to thousands of employees worldwide recently. Fortunately, I wasn’t laid off, and I never had to do overtime because I was an intern, who have special rights since they are studying and all. However, I got a glimpse of all this, both from people who work with games abroad (U.S, UK, etc) and from seeing this sort of thing happen to people I know and care for. So…this isn’t the life I want for me. Ever.
I’m not saying I’m special. I’m not saying I won’t sit down for hours on end, coding. Actually I do that. I love programming, and that’s what I do. The difference is: that’s what I know how to do, *among many other things*, and I want to decide *to which cause* I will devote my skills and my time and my blood (so to speak) to. And making games just doesn’t seem right, at least not games who are really cool or cute but actually disposable, or don’t even impact positively on people (not to mention those that are arguably damaging). Playing and making games are 2 things I really like, no doubt. But the point is, I do prefer talking about politics, and studying applied computer graphics, and reading about business. I prefer reading Fortune, and not Nintendo World. And believe me: I don’t know how all this transformation from who I was (when?) came out to be, and why it took me so long to realize my absolute passion for games has pretty much faded.
Anyway. As you may have guessed, I’m on a new wavelength now. I’m working at Eldorado Research Institute, as Junior Software Engineer. It’s amazing over there, and I’m being given a degree of responsibility over the project I’m working on that I had never had before, to my utmost joy. This semester at University is almost finished as well, although I still have a project (modifying the way ray-casting is done here) to hand out and an exam.
By the way, besides working, I’m taking graduate-level and Computer Science courses this semester and the next one, until I receive some sort of answer from DigiPen and University of Alberta, the 2 schools I ended up applying for. The reasons I still applied for DigiPen even though I don’t intend to work necessarily in the games industry, and how in the world an University from the far, cold Canadian province of Alberta is my top choice of graduate school are to be dissected in a future post.
Which, let’s all pray, will come before another 4 months have passed! x-)
P.S: I’m 22 now. Hooray! And have an XBOX 360 with Fable 2, Assassin’s Creed and Bioshock to play on my free time. Which is almost none theoretically, even though I do manage to play some hours a week. Somehow o_O



